A golfer is in a
competitive
match with a
friend,
who
is ahead
by a couple of
strokes.
"Boy, I'd give
anything to
sink this putt,"
the golfer
mumbles to
himself.
Just then, a
stranger walks
up beside him
and whispers,
"Would you
be Willing
to give up
one-fourth of
your sex life?"
Thinking the man
is crazy
and
his answer will
be meaningless,
the golfer
also feels that
maybe this is a
good omen so
he says, "Sure,"
and sinks the
putt.
Two holes later,
he mumbles to
himself again,
"Gee, I sure would
like to get an
eagle on this
one."
The
same stranger is
at his side
again and
whispers,
"Would it be
worth giving
up another
fourth of your
sex life?
Shrugging, the golfer
replies, "Okay."
And he makes an
eagle.
On the final
hole, the golfer
needs another
eagle to win.
Without waiting
for him to say
anything,
the stranger
quickly moves to
his side and
says,
"Would
winning this
match be worth
giving
up the rest of
your sex life?"
"Definitely,"
the golfer
replies, and he
makes the eagle.
As the golfer is
walking to the
club house, the
stranger
walks alongside
him and says, "I
haven't really
been fair
with you because
you don't know
who I am. I'm
the Devil, and
from this day
forward you will
have no sex life."
"Nice to meet
you," the golfer
replies,
"I'm
Father O'Malley."
"
|
IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A
COURT
REPORTER
These
are
from
a
book
called
Disorder
in
the
American
Courts,
and
are
things
people
actually
said
in
court,
word
for
word,
taken
down
and
now
published
by
court
reporters
that
had
the
torment
of
staying
calm
while
these
exchanges
were
actually
taking
place.
ATTORNEY:
What
was
the
first
thing
your
husband
said
to
you
that
morning?
WITNESS:
He
said
,
'Where
am
I,
Cathy?'
ATTORNEY:
And
why
did
that
upset
you?
WITNESS:
My
name
is
Susan!
|
ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true
that when a person dies in his sleep ,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
_
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
_
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible
that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible
that he could have been alive and practicing law.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Lord, keep Your arm around my
shoulder
and Your hand
over my mouth.
|
|
